6 ways to self-soothe when triggered
After weeks of what seemed to be living relentlessly on the precipice of breakdown, I have successfully managed to build up enough healthy habits to feel on top of life.
Happy with the way life flows in curious unfolding. At peace with the lack of control I have and the irony that I create my own reality.
I have been feeling really whole hearted and good the past cycle.
Now, as I creep up to my penultimate days before my bleed, I am noticing that my emotional world is more reactive and that my outside world seems to be testing all of those buttons once again.
It’s as if the world has seen little old Freya thinking she’s got this once again, so the universe in it’s infinite wisdom (note the sarcasm) sends a few curveballs to really test her resilience.
The flip-side to this turbulence is that I feel a lot stronger and a lot more receptive to the lessons the chaos inevitably brings.
Instead of my charged attitude of “fuck this, fucking fuck!” I have finally reached the pinnacle of what my shadow self finds to be the most infuriating thing- the ability to turn any “negative” experience into an opportunity to deepen my healing and spirituality.
I’ve been giving my best shot at being able to witness my emotional reactions to my triggers. Rather than letting myself get carried into the downward spiral, I’ve been taking the road less travelled of patience and self-discipline. Attempting to learn more about my emotional body and my conditioned beliefs. Using all the turbulence as an opportunity to get to know the version of myself that holds so much sadness, grief and anger.
It’s been interesting, to say the least.
There’s been multiple occasions where I’ve reacted to my triggers and emotions.
Last night, a sterling example I don’t wear with pride, I sent my partner a paragraph text explaining, so eloquently (note the sarcasm again), how he doesn’t care about me (he does) and how I hate him (I don’t).
But as I was spending some time trying to chill the fuck out in the sunshine today after being seriously triggered again, I wrote down a list of things that help me to resist the temptation to project, identify with triggers, feel sorry for myself or to go on a downward spiral.
Pause- if possible.
Possibly the hardest step of all. Taking the initial step to try to come to a sense of stillness. Taking a second to breathe, to realise that you are not the emotional riptide whirling inside you.
Catch your thoughts
Before you spiral into a torrent of self criticism, judgements of other people or overwhelming feelings, try to notice or “catch” the thoughts.
Thoughts can be slippery buggers, but I like to visualise that there is a slither of space in my mind that thoughts occupy before they become beliefs. It’s a split second gap, in which our “ego”/self is processing the thought, seeing if it feels like causing chaos today based on it’s prior conditioning. I try to “catch” my thoughts before they slip through the gap into beliefs. I do this by noticing my thoughts, listening to what they have to say and discerning FOR MYSELF whether I actually want to believe this or not, rather than letting my subconscious decide for me.
Then, I like to affirm the beliefs I actually want to believe. Reminding myself that I am proud of my growth, showing my mind the things that I am good at, or any evidence that is contrary to the “negative” thoughts it is trying to make me identify with.
It takes a bit of practice, for sure, but can be so helpful when you’re switched on enough to catch them before they impact your nervous system.
Change environment
Seek out somewhere that is nourishing for your nervous system. Leave the room, party, person, whatever! Make an excuse or just smoke bomb (disappear). You can always explain to people that you were feeling anxious when you make your return or by messaging afterwards. Your mental health in that moment is your priority. If something is triggering you, find a different environment where you feel more safe. This could be your bedroom, a park, a bathroom or closing your eyes and finding some solace within. Find somewhere that is both soothing for your nervous system and a place where you could potentially undergo an emotional process (which often happens after a trigger).
Spend some time alone
If and when safe to do so, spend some time alone. Try to avoid projecting your trigger or emotional response onto others, like my stunning display of emotional maturity with my partner (note the sarcasm part three). I personally find that when I’m alone, I’m able to connect more deeply to my emotions than when I am surrounded by others. I get that weird feeling of being a burden around other people. So when I feel triggered, I like to temporarily have some time to myself, then come back to my people and explain to them whats going on inside me.
Journal
Journaling, my lord and saviour. In all seriousness- I notice a significant difference in my mental health when I’m filling out 3+ pages a day compared to periods of my life where my journal lies dusty and alone under my bed. My journal is my best friend and the ultimate therapist. I like to write out how I’m feeling in that exact moment, no filter, and then write down what triggered me. From there I play a bit of Cluedo trying to seek out what underlying belief this response was connected to.
For those of you who struggle with journaling, here are some questions for triggers that could be helpful:
How do you feel in this moment? Where do you feel it in your body?
What was the first thing moment you realised you were feeling this way?
What happened that led you to feeling this way?
Can you remember other times in your life when this feeling has come up? What happened then?
How can you show yourself compassion in this moment?
Be Kind
Arguably the most important step of all, be kind to yourself. I like to treat myself like a child when I notice I am going through an emotional upheaval. Lots of comforting words, lots of patience, lots of compassion. I even like to talk to myself as I would an injured animal or small child in the middle of a tantrum - “Whats going on, little Frey?”, “it’s okay to feel this way, sweetheart”, “I’ve got you, you’re going to be okay”.
The more we judge ourselves for struggling with challenging emotions, the harder those emotions are to navigate and process adequately. I would argue that to be gentle is the first step in any healing process. Letting yourself feel supported, safe and loved.
Thank you for reading this, my first blog post on here. If you’re wanting to dive deeper into healing and working with the emotional body/triggers I would seriously recommend the following:
Polyvagal Theory: is a theory around our nervous system and how we can go into hyper vigilance, procrastination or addiction as ways to cope with relentless stressors. My therapist suggested I look into it and it’s been a massive permission slip in being able to understand my sensitivity through biology and science (hehe).
Track your cycle: If you bleed or go through monthly cyclical hormonal changes, I highly recommend tracking where you are in your cycle. You can do this by using an app such as Flo or by tracking your temperature. I have done mine almost every day for the past year with Natural Cycles. Use my code "Freya" to get 20% off on an annual subscription + a free thermometer with Natural Cycles (the temperature birth control I've used for the last year!) http://bit.ly/FreyaNC *affiliate link
Talk to a therapist! Talk based therapy can be so healing.
Explore the RAIN technique by Tara Brach. It’s a method of self enquiry after a trigger that allows you to see a wider perspective and open up to forgiveness.
Lots of love!
Freya.